Everyone has experienced moments of feeling offended or angry due to hurtful words or disrespectful behavior, whether at work, in meetings, or even in daily life. In those moments, it can be difficult to find the right response, and minutes or hours may pass before the words that should have been said become clear, leaving a sense of confusion or regret. However, communication experts assert that such moments should not be left to emotional improvisation.
- Pause and gather your thoughts After the confidence exercise comes what Hübner calls «transparency phrases». These are short and easy-to-remember phrases that help you mentally prepare for surprises or hurtful remarks so that you don't feel pressured to react immediately, only to regret it later. Examples of these phrases include:
- «I need some time to process what you just said».
- «Your comment really surprised me, I need to think about it».
- «I'm surprised by that, I'll think about it a little».
Choose the phrases you feel comfortable saying, then test them practically through the first exercise with the ball: while catching the ball, keep your back straight and maintain your confidence, and take enough time to think about your response. These steps aim to build muscle memory for a confident, upright posture, making you feel more at ease in unexpected situations.
- Regain your confidence and focus on the topic When someone directs a hurtful action or comment at you, it's natural to feel the urge to respond in kind. However, an emotional response does not help control the situation. Hübner explains: «I offer my students an exercise to help them speak calmly and consciously, especially when facing a hurtful or disrespectful person».
Imagine your head as a helium balloon and your feet as the strong roots of a tree, then let the balloon rise and the roots deepen. After that, add speaking, drawing inspiration from sports training with a ball». Stand close to a wall, keep your back straight, then throw the ball and catch it after it bounces. Practice this exercise for 5 minutes a day. Continue throwing the ball and speaking at a deliberate pace with a clear voice, making appropriate pauses.
- Redirect the discussion to a work-focused track After using transparency phrases, try to steer the discussion back to the core issue in a practical way. You can use ready-made terminology to focus on the work, such as:
- «Let's get back to the plan we made».
- «Just to remind you of the protocol we follow».
- «Let's take a step back and look at the process that brought us here».
Hübner clarifies: «When someone uses a personal insult against you to assert control, they have decided to resort to intimidation to achieve their goal. But if you redirect the conversation using work-focused phrases, you can reaffirm your position, show your ability to contribute, and diplomatically reveal their approach as inappropriate and ineffective». This way, you can confidently and calmly navigate awkward situations or hurtful behaviors, maintaining your self-respect and professionalism, and avoiding later regret over your responses.
